The Master turns One

My baby is one and I'm a mix of emotions. He is beautiful, inquisitive, clever, stubborn and occasionally cuddly. He has gone from 7lbs 5 ounces to over 24lbs and knows exactly what he wants. He screams when he doesn't get his way and giggles hysterically when he does. He loves to be chased and plays his own version of peek-a-boo. He likes to cuddle when he gets tired and prefers to sleep in mommy's arms. He doesn't like lunch, since it interferes with his playtime and he thinks the cat is a suitable toy to eat. He drags dad's pants around the house and you'll often find tidbits of toast hidden away for a later snack. He walks and says "oooo da" ALL day. He also says dada and mama but then again Deacon (cat) and every thing he sees can be dada or mama.

Before he was born I thought I had a good sense of what motherhood would be like. I thought wrong. I've become a firm believer that it is not something you can plan for, it overtakes every aspect of your life and you don't know anything about it until you do it. I think this happens because you love your child desperately and would do anything to make their life easier and if your really honest you don't love anyone else like that.

A woman I know is having a baby and made a comment that she was tired, but she was sick of hearing people tell her it would be worse when she has the baby-because she got it. I had a little internal laugh while I shook my head sympathetically-NO you really don't get it. You just think you do. Once you crave sleep with a desperation you never thought you could feel, but you just have to get up because your baby needs you, then you'll get it. I definetly get it, Cade is a horrible sleeper. I think he just has too much exploring to do to bother with sleep.

Having a child has changed me to the core of who I am. I look at children differently. I liked other peoples kids but I generally preferred animals. I'm sure that sounds awful but I just didn't relate to their kids. Now I look at those kids and see that their parents feel the same way for them as I feel for Cade. Before Cade I was not a patient person, now I am generally more tolerant of other people, because I keep in mind that they too are someones child. Don't get me wrong, Cade can test every ounce of patience in me, but a deep breath and a good look at him and I can be calm. After all, he is only one, its not like he wants to piss me off, he just wants what he wants and he doesn't understand why he can't have it. So we take it moment by moment.

Happy Birthday baby C, the best thing I've ever done was to become your mom.