Dear car...

I wish to extend my most sincere apologies to you for driving 80 kms each day from Monday to Wednesday. I am sure your friend, the environment, is ready to gas me with carbon monoxide as I surely am adding a whole new hole to the ozone layer. However, this was not an optional commute, nor could this feat be accomplished with a bicycle. Car, imagine me on a bicycle in heels, with a baby strapped across my chest. It simply isn't reasonable.

I understand that your ripe young age of two cannot handle my high expectations for a smooth commute; however, your insistance on making stalling like shudders reverberate through your body will not cause me to alter my ways. I would appreciate if you could avoid this at 80 kms an hour with my infant in the back seat. I took you to the car doctor and they tell me that nothing is wrong. While you clearly don't want me to get to the root of what ails you, I would respecfully request that you reserve your shudders for times when your torturer is alone in the drivers seat.

Additionally, would you kindly attempt to consume less gas. It cost me $78.03 to fill you three days ago. I nearly vomitted. You are a V6, not a V8, not an SUV and certainly not a truck. I will promise to drive you nicely and not behave like a 16 year old boy when commencing gas use after an intersection break. I think that this is a fair compromise.

Sincerely, KS