The baby birthday party

And that does it for Cade's 1st year birthday extravaganza. This was the funnest of the parties, he seemed to really enjoy himself. No idea why the first pic is so fuzzy.

Another read for you

I just finished a great, albeit sad, book. Don't read The Kite Runner if your looking for a mushy, happy book. Read this book if your looking for something that expresses fear, regret, sadness, retribution and finally redemption. I had picked this book up every time we went to Costco, and finally bought it. While it is a work of fiction it feels like a memoir. It has some horribly sad moments, which for a mother can be difficult to read, and there were a few days I looked at it and didn't want to pick it back up-and I have never felt like that while reading a book that I liked. But I did, and it was worth it. I won't give anything away, but I strongly encourage you to read it.

The book was recently made into a movie, which I heard is great. However, I can't fathom how the whole story could be squeezed into a few hours.

*Again, not my image, and not the image on my copy of the book. I think this is an older cover.

Pussy cat, a starving plant and copulating squirrels.

Scroll down, right side colum....

Do you love my new cat? I love my new cat. I named him Fred because this is one of my "go-to" names. We named our plant Fred. Conversations about Fred 1 go a bit like this in our house:

Did you water Fred?
No.
When was the last time we watered Fred? (approximately 3 weeks ago)
Not sure?
I think Fred is starving.
I think so too, but he'll be ok.
Lets water Fred.
Ok.

Fred looks droopy from the heat.
I'll put him outside.
Tyler, its 30 degrees outside, how is THAT going to help.
It just will. (men are brilliant!)

next morning...
Tyler, Fred is dead!
He'll be fine.
Tyler, he has no leaves left! He is NOT a tropical plant.
Kris, don't be dramatic, he has three.
following day...Fred has one leaf (last summer) and has now spurted another 2. We should be banned from plant ownership. Poor Fred.

We also have squirrels that live in the big trees out front. When we moved in we saw the same one running like mad for the nuts I tossed out the door and I named him Marvin. The cats thouroughly enjoyed attempting to hunt him through the window. Then one day there were two Marvins. Tyler decided that they needed their own names because one was fatter than the other. He renamed Marvin 2 Shaniqwa. Yeah-I have no idea either. Next conversation...5a.m. one early summer morning, windows open, humans fast asleep...

Tyler, do you hear THAT?
I only hear you.
You can't hear that noise?
What noise?
The crazy squeaky sound.
Tyler, (listening) it must be Marvin.
Ohhhh its Marvin and Shaniqwa, making a baby-in OUR tree. I feel violated. I can't sleep anymore.

So now we have a Fred 2, but he can't wake me up with his amourous noises, nor can I starve him. The first time I saw him on a blog I thought he was lame and juvenille, then I played with him. Try it-he's fun!

Back to Work

I did it. I left my child with my cousin and went to work. It was hard and I cried for a few minutes after driving away. I had one of those sobbing on the steering wheel moments and then I realised that I wasn't wearing waterproof mascara. I didn't want to ruin my eye makeup so I sucked it up and drove off. I'm too vain to show up at work with a tear streaked face. The day went pretty well, I loved seeing my old friends and I did not shed one tear at work (ok a few well-ups but otherwise I was good).

My work access codes weren't ready so I spent a few hours getting all of that together and went for coffee twice, lunch and vistited people I like. So this totaled up to 8 hours of socializing and no work. Nice huh? Plus I got a goal sharing bonus for 2007-a year in which I did not attend work for even one day. Ya gotta love sick leave benefits. And....my boss sent me a big bouquet of flowers-just for coming back. THAT almost broke me, flowers.

My cousin reports that Cade had a good day and she sent me an email mid day to keep me updated. That was FANTASTIC. It totally made me feel better and like I still knew what was going on with his day.

We put Cade to bed a few minutes ago and I miss him again. The evening passed so fast after we got home but we had fun.

So tomorrow is my Friday and I might actually squeeze in some work, if I can make room in my social schedule.

Birthday Pics

And my one hundredth post. How fitting.

The Master turns One

My baby is one and I'm a mix of emotions. He is beautiful, inquisitive, clever, stubborn and occasionally cuddly. He has gone from 7lbs 5 ounces to over 24lbs and knows exactly what he wants. He screams when he doesn't get his way and giggles hysterically when he does. He loves to be chased and plays his own version of peek-a-boo. He likes to cuddle when he gets tired and prefers to sleep in mommy's arms. He doesn't like lunch, since it interferes with his playtime and he thinks the cat is a suitable toy to eat. He drags dad's pants around the house and you'll often find tidbits of toast hidden away for a later snack. He walks and says "oooo da" ALL day. He also says dada and mama but then again Deacon (cat) and every thing he sees can be dada or mama.

Before he was born I thought I had a good sense of what motherhood would be like. I thought wrong. I've become a firm believer that it is not something you can plan for, it overtakes every aspect of your life and you don't know anything about it until you do it. I think this happens because you love your child desperately and would do anything to make their life easier and if your really honest you don't love anyone else like that.

A woman I know is having a baby and made a comment that she was tired, but she was sick of hearing people tell her it would be worse when she has the baby-because she got it. I had a little internal laugh while I shook my head sympathetically-NO you really don't get it. You just think you do. Once you crave sleep with a desperation you never thought you could feel, but you just have to get up because your baby needs you, then you'll get it. I definetly get it, Cade is a horrible sleeper. I think he just has too much exploring to do to bother with sleep.

Having a child has changed me to the core of who I am. I look at children differently. I liked other peoples kids but I generally preferred animals. I'm sure that sounds awful but I just didn't relate to their kids. Now I look at those kids and see that their parents feel the same way for them as I feel for Cade. Before Cade I was not a patient person, now I am generally more tolerant of other people, because I keep in mind that they too are someones child. Don't get me wrong, Cade can test every ounce of patience in me, but a deep breath and a good look at him and I can be calm. After all, he is only one, its not like he wants to piss me off, he just wants what he wants and he doesn't understand why he can't have it. So we take it moment by moment.

Happy Birthday baby C, the best thing I've ever done was to become your mom.

Work-T minus 6 days

At the place of my employment we generally work alone, although we are assigned to teams that take care of specific clients. I found out today that I am returning to my old team, which is great. I know exactly what to expect and I like my supervisor. I have some good friends on the team and am looking forward to seeing them on a regular basis. The only downside is that I will have to go back to working with slaughterhouses, ohhhhh the horror of it. The vegetarian and the slaughterhouse. A cruel joke that the universe played on me.

Cade: 10-12 Months

The last few shots of a year in the life of Cade. Happy Valentines Day to all, Cade turns one in 29 hours!

Cade: 8-10 Months

I was induced, a year ago today, at 9:00a.m., I will spare you the lonnnnnng step by step account of my labour but suffice it to say that after two different induction methods, two failed epidurals, meconium inside, 1 cm dilation, and double prolapsed cord and multiple heart beat drops (Cade)-he was not born until 12:16a.m. on Feb 15, 2007 via c-section. Then he was a sweet little lump with a cone shaped head (we still can't figure that one out!). Now he is a little munster who attacks the cat like he has never eaten before. Yes-he tries to eat the cat, instead getting a mouth full of fur. He runs and plays and lifts his arms to be picked up. He waves bye bye and hi and understands "sit" (tub) and "no" (all of the time). He has tantrums that consist of squatting and yelling. He laughs hysterically when you play peek-a-boo or crawl around with him. He is pretty much awsome.

The End (of the childcare saga).

I'll keep this brief and in the interest of my non-profane readers I'll keep it clean....

Jen* will not return our deposit. She told Tyler she needs 30 days notice. He told her that we decided I would stay home, so as to avoid the confrontation-he really couldn't be bothered and I did NOT want to talk to her. She was surprised. So no money back, and obviously that is all she cared about. I am SOOOOO glad we didn't take Cade there. She got $900 for not a single days work. Oh well, I'm sure she'll get hers...

I won't subject you to this topic again but appreciate all the fantastic support from my blogging buddies and relatives!

Diaper head's mom is much better

It's done-BTR (my cousin's pseudonym) is taking care of Cade. Thanks for all the support. Tyler is calling Jen* tomorrow to see if we can recoupe some of our $ (deposit) but I highly doubt that will happen. I'm calling the money my research fees to make myself feel better. So now I can go to work and know he is well cared for. I'm going to miss him so much that I feel physically ill thinking about it. I packed his little container of stuff since we are going over on Wednesday to have lunch with BTR and her babe, and to give Cade some more time to get used to being there. It was hard and it sucked.

Cade: Months 6 and 7

A couple months of Cade for your viewing pleasure.

Relief, Peace and a HUGE Thank You

*Read post below first*

As the hours go on I am less and less comfortable with taking Cade to Jen*. When I get something in my head its generally pretty hard to change my mind. So we'll chat with her tomorrow but I don't have a good feeling. That said I told Tyler I would keep an open mind about it.

In the midst of this my wonderful cousin, yes the same one I mentioned below, happily agreed to take care of Cade. I'm not sure why I didn't seriously think of this before! I am so ridiculously happy, relieved, at peace and appreciative that I send her huge cyber hugs. I am NOT a trusting person and she is one of the only people I trust with Cade. She has a baby who is 7 months older than Cade and had a great blog until she shut it down :() plus the same philosopies as us. The only downside is that she lives about 45 mins from me, UGLY (which means it will take about 1.5-1.75 hours to get to work which is 3kms away). Good reason to move to SP though, which is currently in the running for this summer. All that said-I'll know more tomorrow but for now I can sleep easy knowing that everything is going to be ok, I won't be fired from the best company I've ever worked for, and my child will get the best care. Either way, Tyler and I are doing what we can to get me back home with Cade as soon as possible. Thats all I'm saying about that until something concrete is solidified and to ensure the privacy of a blogger who reads my ramblings.

Now for convincing Tyler that its ok to waste $900 on one months pay and a deposit for Jen. Update to follow tomorrow.

As a side note to Jen , since your never going to read this-LIKE I NEEDED THIS SHIT 8 DAYS BEFORE I GO BACK TO WORK!

And BTR (Can I still call you this?), I can't say thank you enough! Your the best!

Childcare issues-ALREADY

Am I overthinking this? I need opinions.
Here is the issue:
Lets call the caregiver Jen. Jen was supposed to take Cade last week, starting Tuesday, for a short period each day to slowly introduce him to the dayhome. She called and spoke with Tyler on Monday, telling him that her son was sick so we shouldn't bring Cade. I called her the following day to see if he was better, but nope-it was the flu. We agreed that she would call me on Thursday to let me know how things were going. He had been sick for awhile and I hoped he would be better by Friday so I could bring Cade for an hour or two. She didn't call, she didn't call Friday either. I called Saturday morning. She said she had been sick but was now better (from the Flu??? and seriously you didn't bother to call because you were sick?).

I told her I would bring Cade on Monday then and she suggested Monday and Thursday (we pay for full time!). I told her no, each day a few hours more, except Friday-his birthday. She said ok (why would this even be a discussion?). Then I asked if she just credits last week to us on our next payment and she told me it was non-refundable. Huh? I was taken aback and mentioned that she couldn't take care of him, to which she told me that I could have brought him in (a baby voluntarily in a house with fluish people who told us not to bring him?). I said something about it being a service that she could not provide and that while I understood she had a sick child at home I also felt that we should not have to pay if she couldn't take care of him. She responded with a somewhat curt "I'll think about it". We agreed to talk about it on Monday. I was sugary sweet (so out of character) to keep it plesant.

I didn't get a good feeling from this conversation and didn't think she was being reasonable at all. I also question her saying that we could bring him, does she really care about kids or money? Now I'm not so sure I trust her and I go back to work in 8 days. So I'm looking elsewhere just in case. I've already hit up my cousin. What would you do? Am I being unreasonable, paranoid, demanding, etc.? HELP.

Cade-Month 5

I had semi-decent photography skills in month 5, then they went away. I can't condense anymore than this.

Getting off my ass

I have no more excuses to eat whatever I feel like. I dried up! No more momma milk for Cade. I was sad about it, for one day, until I didn't have to listen to that wretched little thing they call a pump. If you pump/pumped did your pump talk to you? Mine did. It said "eat the cracker bitch". I SWEAR! Tyler used to look at me like I was absolutely nuts (and needed to be committed) everytime I asked him if he could hear the damn thing talking to me. So I used to look at it with dread, waiting for it to make me fatter by forcing me to eat crackers and having to withstand verbal abuse. Now that I'm no longer subjected to the torture I have to stop stuffing my face. Really-I don't think that lactation meant I needed to eat ridiculous amounts of eggplant parmigana. One of those bonuses about going back to work-the gym. I really really really really really really (can I stress this more?) HATE gyms. But-I have no excuse. My fabulous friend who I lunched with everyday moved to Ottawa. Thanks Emma, thanks A LOT. So now I have to go to the gym with my other fabulous friends or I'll be sitting there like a workaholic loser with no friends, likely eating my way to another 20lbs. Anyway...I might as well make my diet fit with my new workout plan (a whopping three days a week) and I think I'll be joining the WW bandwagon. Blackmarket of course. Like I'm gonna pay.

A little less crappy

So the past few days have proceeded pretty much like the last post. Cade used to head for his morning nap in a fairly reliable manner, but now-not so much. He seems to hate sleep, not that he was ever a fan, but why now? If he was happy and playful I would assume he is growing out of the morning nap and maybe he'll be so tired by the afternoon that he'll SLEEP. But nope-he is tired and cranky and running around the house screaming like a freakin banshee. He crouches down, arms glued to his side and yells at me like I might just be the worst person he has EVER encountered. My 24lb dictator is driving me nuts. But while he is helping me turn prematurely grey- I'm also dealing with major "issues" surrounding my return to work. I am so stressed about not being with him, I'm probably making it even worse than it would naturally be. I bought his birthday card today and it was ridiculously emotional for me. I stood in the card asile at the grocery store, all watery eyed and overwhelmed. But I ended up with one and it only took me 10 minutes to find a card, FOR A ONE YEAR OLD.

So aside from my pending commitment to a mental health institution and my child throwing perpetual temper tantrums-we're great!