Sometimes I Suck

I was not a good mother 25 minutes ago (and about 2 hours prior to that) and am currently experiencing a heavy dose of well deserved guilt. Back story-Cade woke up this morning at 5:45, not surprising considering daddy was getting ready for work and Cade is a ridiculously light sleeper. Anyway, he fell back to sleep at 9 and woke up at 9:20, so I was well aware that it wasn't going to be the best of days. We went out a few hours later and he fell asleep for about 10 minutes in the car. I brought him in the house, trying to get him back to sleep but he wouldn't have any of that. I then proceeded to spend the following 2 hours to try to get him back to sleep. He refused, while his little eyes fluttered and he screamed bloody murder at the same time. Sometimes he falls asleep if I hold him firmly, so I tried that too, but nope. I got so frustrated that I put him is his crib and let him cry, firmly (loudly) shutting the door behind me.

I thought he really needed to sleep, I know he really needed to sleep, but I can be such a control freak. He finally fell asleep 10 minutes ago and now its a "too late" nap, you know the kind that interferes with bedtime. Thank my lucky stars that dad will be home by then because snapping at your kid and letting him cry in his crib makes me one shitty mother. Don't leave me any reassuring comments, I prefer to feel like an asshole right now.

Cade: 3-4 Months

Blogger won't let me upload more than 5 pics per post so you only get two months out of this one-and that was vastly condensed.

The 1st 3 Months of Cade

I'm going to post pics of the past year up until his birthday and then I'm going to attempt to write him a letter and tell him how much I love him. Re: Pics-I love the last "squishy face" one! sniff*sniff

The Countdown is On

Photo: Cade at about 3 weeks old. Awwww.

It just hit me that this is my last full week with Cade before he starts going to the dayhome for his transition (increasing hours each day). For some reason I though I had two weeks and when I realized I didn't I completely lost it! I don't want to go back to work!!! I thought of packing our week with fun things but realized its probably best for Cade to have a nice quiet week hanging out, playing, with mommy. Ohhh so sad. My baby turns one in 20 days and I go back to work in 24 days. Its only part time so I should quit whining but its been 15 months since I last worked in paid employment (bed rest for three months prior to master Cade's arrival-another story) and I can hardly remember how to do my job. Considering the level of responsibility I have thats really not a good thing.

Not only will I be missing my baby, I'll be stumbling around my job trying not to screw up. There is so much jargon at my work that you can speak an entire language with acronyms like: The CLMNT RTW at DOA EMP, FD on Feb 19/08. Blah blah blah. Mine will be more like: The EE is CS and CR anything (employee, completely screwed, can't remember). Have I been vague about my job? I'm not sure I can decode our acronyms for you, its a private club you know. Feel free to make up translation and guess what I do for a paycheck.

The pros I can see about my return to work:

1. Seeing old friends and talking to grown ups (about Cade of course).

2. Draging my lazy ass to the gym at lunch.

3. Wearing heels.

This morning with Cade

Me: Cade (stern voice) please don't eat my toes.

Cade: whuh-eeeee, "chomp"

Clearly he doesn't listen to my request to refrain from toe eating, and:

1. I birthed a cannibal.

2. A cannibal with a toe fetish.

MEME MEME MEME

I’ve been memed for the 1st time!

http://www.silentranks.wordpress.com/ would like me to tell you six things/habits/quirks about me. Of course, there are rules for this meme, because we are humans, and humans like rules:

Link to the person that tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. I check the locks on the doors multiple times before I go to bed. I second, third, fourth guess myself so much that I have to get up, once tucked in for the night "just to make sure".

2. I spy on my mafia neighbors. I know their comings and goings and watch their drug dealers arrive to deliver. No-I'm not kidding. But at least their higher class losers, as far as I can tell its the good stuff. I'm kind of like that little old lady peeking through the curtains.

3. I'm super anal about the making of the bed, so much so that I fluff the bedding several times although and average person would wonder WHAT crease I'm talking about. See photo-CREASES (and Deacon our little suck hole).

4. I hate talking on the phone, unless I'm driving. I know, very very irresponsible of me.

5. I colour code and itemize my closet, and when I'm feeling particularily anal I evenly space my hangers at equal distances. Yikes-that sounds crazy.

6. If I'm driving with Cade I drive properly, but when hes not in the car I drive like I'm in the Indy 500. I missed my calling.

Tagged:

1. http://www.heathersway.blogspot.com/

2. http://www.adventuresinmotherhoodtoday.blogspot.com/

3. http://www.annegirl.typepad.com/

4. http://www.mamabirdontheloose.blogspot.com/

5. http://www.junecleavernirvana.blogspot.com/

6. http://www.mymommysplace.com

Allergy Alert!

Poor poor Cade, he had a rough couple of weeks! He has an allergy, either to Keflex or eggs (neither of which is agood option). After eating lunch a few days ago he broke out in this insane rash and his eyebrows (and lips to a lesser degree) swelled up. I rushed him to the hospital and if you know where I live-it took me 8 minutes from here to the U hospital. Yikes. No more driving to the hospital. In my defense he was breathing fine, I was just being a spaz. So apparently one can have a delayed allergic reaction to Keflex. This sucks! Now he has to to see a pediatric allergist and we have to avoid all egg. WHAT ABOUT BIRTHDAY CAKE?!?! I guess we'll be testing vegan cakes. Poor poor peanut. On the plus side-cake testing, mmm cake.

Good and BAD on eBay

Good-ordered two pairs of shoes (one sandals) and one pair of boots. Check out Cutesyshoes, great deals. With shipping to Canada under $77 for all, woo hoo! Leaving great feedback so long as shoes are good.

BAD-ordered 5 pendants and 1 ring. Seller ignored me for 3 days and tried to charge me $20 more for shipping than advertised. Then their payment system wasn't working. In order pay them on time I had to courier (overnight) a money order which cost me $32!!! Ironcially my order total was $26. Asked for a credit for the courier once they finally realised that their system wasn't working-and OH after the fact they tell me I could have shipped regular mail (and got negative feedback) . Got a RUDE response. Leaving BAD feedback.

Lesson: Just because they are a store doesn't mean they have any amount of ethics.

Its just $, right?

I've hit the $4200 mark, yikes. But-Cade got a few new items and they look so cute that if I never sell a thing I can count Cade's three new pairs of pants, one shirt and one pair of boots as worth $4200 (a steal of a deal at $840 each). For that price they will be preserved in enbalming fluid and framed for the rest of his life.

Another $ related note-I AM WINNING ON EBAY! I have never eBayed-yes I'm lame. I plan on selling a few things from the store (not the wholesale items that come with a big-DO NOT SELL ON EBAY) so I needed to learn about eBay. What better way than ordering jewelery and shoes? Thats right, things for momma! Momma needs a new purse too, or maybe 3? Now if Canada Post would get to work and deliver my EBay Business for Canadian Dummies (or something like that) then I could actually get my store open online.

Photo #1: Cade in new Mish pants-yes we have some more, size 24 months (fits like 18 months)-NEW, that is if I don't steal them 1st. The model is also wearing his cute little Kitson shoes, normally rediculously overpriced but not this pair (and nope-we won't be carrying these, good luck finding someone who does, ha!).

Photo#2: Cade's new expression, its been hard to cath but here it is!

Phot0#3: A great example of a fat lip, obtained by attempting to mount fire truck and falling (at least we think....).

I might just lose it...

Cade is 11 months old today. Where, oh where, has time gone? While we should be celebrating the new month I am having a meltdown. I have to go back to work next month, oh god the pain...People I don't love yelling at me, demanding things from me, I NEED to win the lottery. I NEED to buy a ticket to win the lottery. This is what Cade thinks of me going back to paid employment-NO MOMMY!!!

As a side note today it is Hot Topic day on The View. I love Hot Topic day, if only Elisabeth Hasselback had stayed on maternity leave. I really can't stand her, and WHY does she look like she has never given birth. Skinny bitch.

Totally Random

This has nothing to do with motherhood, but rather one of my many "issues" and it is totally random. Here goes...my husband is a huge Seinfeld fan and I hate it. I also hate the Simpsons and various other well-liked shows. Its not that I don't get the humour but rather that I think its too simple and really not entertaining. My dislike of Seinfeld stems from a childhood experience. My dad took me to see Pretty Woman in the theater when it came out-I was at the impressionable age of 10 (dad-what were you thinking???). Anyway there is a scene when Jason Alexander hits Julia Roberts and attempts to assault her. As a result I cannot see Jason Alexander without thinking he is a rapist or woman-beater. I know this is probably quite far from his real personality (since he hasn't joined the ranks of wife-beating, drunk driving, drug addicted, holding children hostage stars as far as I know) but I can't help it. Therefore every time I see him on Seinfeld I cringe and the 10 year old in me wants to cover her eyes.

Babe on the Mend

The baby is healing nicely, thanks to some spectacular drugs. The medication is NOT tasty. Yes I tasted it, I want to know what goes in his mouth. No more sore, gouchy baby. Last night I put him down for his afternoon nap late-4:30 p.m and he stayed in bed until almost 6 this morning. We had to wake him twice to give him his meds and the second time (2 a.m.) he thought maybe it was playtime but gave up when the lights stayed off an the only play time was with mom's hair. I think he needed the rest. Now Tyler is sick, cross your fingers for us-I HATE BEING SICK.

Update on the business: My credit card went from $0 owing to $2500 owing. I may have a panic attack any day now.

Can you tell my child is sleeping?

Three posts in 20 minutes, a personal record! American republicans reading my blog-you may want to skip this post. The rest of you-are you watching the primaries? I have a passion for politics, although I am not sure where this comes from since neither of my parents are politically inclined. IF I were American I would be a democrat, since there are only two viable political options in the USofA. I am so interested in the democratic primaries since there are reasonable contenders for the job, and since I can't fathom how ANYONE would elect a republican in the next term. Or maybe the public thinks they couldn't do any worse than the dolt currently "serving".

If your a liberal who do you like? I think I prefer Hillary Clinton. Why? She is left of Barack Obama on the political spectrum, as am I, and she is a SHE. Maybe this makes me a bleeding heart feminist but I think the world would be a very different place if a woman was running the show down south. That is not to say that I agree with everything she has done or does but I think she offers a REAL perspective. Don't start on the Monica-gate, its not our business!

On to Obama-or should I call him the new JFK? Full of hope and promise and youth (OK this is relative) and a real family man. He is a democrat so I still like him. I'm just hoping not to see another old white man governing. White men no longer represent the American majority, and if your a white man, ahem Dad-I still like you. Speaking of white men-the republican primaries-Romney, time to drop out-your not going to win (and who names their kid MITT?), seriously.

My prediction? Obama takes the prize.

Read Me!

On a lighter note (in reference to my previous post) you must read "Eat, Pray, Love"by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am in LOVE with this book and am only half way through. It may seem early to be making this recommendation based on the fact that I haven't finished it, but its just that good.

I heard about this book some time ago but generally avoid any book with "pray" in the title. I am not a religious person, although I know plenty of people who feel a connection to a God (I know I know, you probably dislike the "a" in that sentance but I am trying to be respectful to all of you). That said, I have my own feelings on the topic. I do not object to these beliefs but also do not immerse myself in religion. I had enough after uniersity (a degree in sociology of religion). But-I heard the book was great and not so much about a particular religion as it was about a woman seeking inner peace through spirituality, pleasure and balance.

Ohhh but I digress, back to the book-its about a woman who goes through a divorce and basically a early-life crisis (35 does NOT count as mid-life) and decides to travel for a year to find herself. Thus far its not your typical soul searching, regurgitation-inducing, love fest. Its funny and clever and thought provoking.

This is not my image, I do not own it. But please don't sue me-I am promoting your book. On second thought, can you send me free stuff, I like free stuff.

Poor Poor Baby

My poor baby has a horrible rash in his diaper region. Its so bad that we had to take him to the hospital today. He went to bed fine and woke up red, swollen and with discharge. It looked awful. He has an infection and needs antibiotics for 10 days! Apparently microabrasions in the diaper area are breeding grounds for infection. The doctor told us it is very common but still- I could not feel more awful for him. I think this may be affecting me more than him though. I have cried about 18 times today. Aside from a few hours of obvious pain he is frolicking around like his normal self. Ohhh the pain of motherhood.

Needless to say, I will NOT be posting a picture of my child's genitals. Even I have my limits.

Anatomy of a Meal

I keep reading that food throwing begins around 18 months. 18 months my ass-the books lie. I have a 10 month old professional food chucker! Floor, wall, mommy-anywhere and everywhere. This picture clearly demonstrates the anatomy of a meal-peas, chicken, pasta and bananas, with a few bits of brown rice cracker added to the mix. This little demonstration of food art took 20 minutes and a long bath to clean.

I Know NOTHING

I know NOTHING about web design. I thought I had some slim amount of knowledge on this topic but nope. I am apparently web design illiterate. My younger brother is schooling me on website development. He started talking all code-like on me, with HDPblah blah blah and I informed him that he might as well be speaking German, which NO-I don't speak. But, on a positive note-I got a domain. Josh (brother) told me that a .ca is difficult to get, well apparently its not as hard as it used to be, it took a 15 minute confirmation that yes indeed I AM CANADIAN. My website will be http://www.theelephantroom.ca/, but won't be available for your viewing pleasure until the spring. Right now I have Josh slaving away on a business card, which he informed me is more of a brochure, since I tried to squeeze 7 paragraphs into my folding 4 sided card. What? You can't do that? Uh oh.

As for my little person-he is basically boycotting anything nutritious (except formula and breast milk)! He wants to eat organic Baby Mum Mums and organic cookies (fortunately they are sugar free). Any suggestions? I'm hoping to avoid scurvy!

A Blip in Time

So I'm awake, Cade is still fast asleep-at 6:22a.m.! What should I do? He never sleeps this late. I heard some yelling at 4:48a.m. and got up to make a bottle. By the time I got to his room he had gone back to sleep, so I tried to do the same but just couldn't. Instead I've read and Facebooked and now I'm here, at a loss....

The PLAN

I have a new plan. I am opening a business. A small baby consignment boutique for trendy baby clothing, as well as great new items. I plan on opening at the beginning of March, after I dig myself a nice big hole of debt. I will be working on the business Thursday-Sunday anytime and M/T/W evenings. The plan? A website (in the works-check out www.idreamdigital.com to see the great designer we have on board), cards and a lot of time spreading the word. The business will be based out of our basement (yes its fully finished) and I will have racks of clothing of all baby sizes, baby accessories and a nice little baby-friendly area, plus a pot of coffee on brew. It will be open by appointment only but I also plan on taking pics of all items and offering delivery service, in our area, for a set minimum purchase. How will this work? You email me the size your looking for, I email you all the pics, you choose what you want. Eventually an e-commerce business will take shape, but thats a tall order! AND...An ebay store is in the works as well. Business name? The Elephant Room, elephant decor of course. Something pretty, simple, mom-geared.

Why? I want to stay home with Cade, and I love to shop and this seems like a fun option. I also find trendy baby clothes to be far too expensive and my ultimate goal is to make stylish clothing affordable. Long range-perhaps open a store? We'll see though, thats an entire other level of comittment.

Stay tuned for more info and if you or someone you know has stylish baby clothes to consign or sell me, give me a shout! I set up an preliminary email for the store: theelephantroom@gmail.com.

A New Obsession-The Baby Marketplace

I have a sickness, an addiction called shopping. Some of you know about this addiction, but it has recently kicked into high gear. I have discovered internet shopping and OH MY GOD. I can't help myself. I have 5 different orders headed my way, two previous orders just arrived.

I found a new site-www.thebabymarketplace.com. The owner is a fellow mom, and her online store is great. I just ordered over $300 worth of stuff. Don't ask. She is currently having a January give-a-way and all I have to do is post the following for my chance to win!

Kim the owner of www.thebabymarketplace.com- a great online spot for Baby Clothing, Shoes, Toys, Gifts and Cloth Diapers is hosting the www.mommyknows.com Gift Card Give-Away @ mommyknows.com go on over and comment and be entered to Win one of two $100 Gift Cards!

So go and check it out, but if you win-I'm coming to COLLECT!

Santa forgot my baby.

He didn't forget to deliver Cade's gifts but he did forget to respond to his letter (he dictated, really!). We wrote the letter so we could put the response in his scrapbook, just in case he is ever inclined to think Santa doesn't exist. We sent it on the last day it needed to be sent to get a reply BEFORE Christmas. No reply. Thanks a lot Santa.